folk-punk:

dentist: *shoots you* you’re bleeding b/c you dont floss

(via distraction)

shouldnt:

We’ve officially reached that annoying time of year where it’s sweater weather in the morning, but by midday you die from a heatstroke.

(via forever-and-alwayss)

lordofthepringles:

If I introduce a movie to you, and we watch it together, I’ll be spending at least 99.9% of the time watching you to make sure you are responding correctly to the film.

(via forever-and-alwayss)

  • person: wow you drink so much water, you're so healthy!!
  • me: i cry so much i gotta stay hydrated

me at friends house

  • friend: so... what do u wanna do
  • me: idk its ur house
  • friend: idk ur the guest
  • me: idk its ur house